I am not worried about my daughter getting the illness at this time; if she does, I have the tools to help her. I think that was the wake up call for him as this prompted him to start going to therapy and got diagnosed with bipolar 2. is this really a good idea? I believe two of my three children do have bipolar. It was just a risk that I was not willing to take personally. I told him just now i would go and see a pre-abortion conselling service on monday and now he is saying that he thinks abortion is not the right thing to do. Pregnancy involves hormonal changes that can affect your mood. –Merrimack, NH, It’s definitely something to give serious consideration to. Thankfully, I am a stepmom to three young children, and this in many ways has made the decision to not have my own biological children not only easier, but perhaps even more fulfilling! They should also be taught how society views mental illness, bipolar in particular, and help them come up with coping skills. The issue in my mind was about having a child without the father involved. deleted_user 07/10/2007. My father was diagnosed bipolar also. What will happen when you go off your meds? Bipolar caused chaos in the family and made it really hard on them. Though I do worry about their future, I know to teach them to watch for the warning signs. Yes, I am bipolar. Lastly - your hormone supplements could definitely be affecting your moods - again - just go see your regular medical doc and tell him everything you have told us, and see if he will give you an antidepressant or adjust your hormone supplement. However, it made me examine how my feelings were selfish and not in the best interest of the child. Mood stabilizers, such as divalproex-sodium (Depakote) or lithium (Eskalith), may be dangerous to a developing fetus. I am now 49 and childless by choice, as I was fearful of going off meds during pregnancy and what my disease would be like for a child raised by me. BD increases your risk for postpartum psychosis. Each of my daughters brings her unique self to this world, and I am glad I didn’t have the option of considering whether or not to deprive the world of their light. Doctors advised Amy to go off her depression medication in order to get pregnant, but that wasn't the solution that worked for her. When people have bipolar disorder, their brain works differently from the usual way. The review authors noted that the data they worked with was low quality, and there’s a need for additional studies. If I ever desire to have a child, I’ll adopt. Having BD doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t have a baby — but it does mean that you should weigh the pros and cons associated with pregnancy and discuss your options with your partner and doctor. –Hanover, MA, I was 19 and completely ignorant about the genetics of mental illness when my son was born. Do you have bipolar disorder and want to become pregnant or are pregnant already? Potassium is a mineral that's involved in muscle contractions, heart function and water balance. My hudband suffer from depresdion for a long time now. For mood disorders like depression and bipolar disorder, genes are an important risk factor. The type with delusions and psychosis. She is a very happy and healthy baby. They insist they are not “crazy” like me. Today I am learning who I am again, and it has been one of the hardest things I have had to go through in life. Your concern early on will be how to raise your children in a happy, healthy environment and make them feel secure, even when one of their parents is behaving strangely. Does Having Bipolar Disorder Impact Your Decision To Have Children? My husband and I both wanted a medication-free pregnancy, and then I wanted to breastfeed and did not want to expose the baby to medications that would come through in the breastmilk. I knew beforehand that he was bipolar which isn't a huge deal to me because my mother is also bipolar and it's something I've been around and dealt with for quite some time. –Vancouver, WA, Lately I have been thinking about having children. It affects about 1 in 1,000 women. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. –Montreal, QC, Had I known how inheritable bipolar disorder was; had I known my husband and I would create beautiful but sick and suffering children—I would not have chosen to have children. For those with bipolar disorder, there are even more issues to think about. I have a 12-year-old son from my first marriage. Having a spouse with bipolar is difficult at best sometimes. The risk is greater if BD is left untreated during pregnancy. Since my first experience with psychosis and the diagnosis of bp I, there is no way I would ever be so selfish and bring another person into this world knowing that they may have to go through the same hell. At least one of my daughters has bipolar disorder, and I wouldn’t change a thing. But I grieve for what I have done to them. Why risk giving this horrible disease to a child in the name of selfishness to want a baby? When pleasurable pastimes like shopping, gaming, or online socializing cross the line from enjoyable to excessive, it may be time to tame your overindulgences. In fact, he has pretty inexpensive tastes, and most of his free money goes to burritos and comic books. –Grayslake, IL, I’m 35 and a father of four. I think we need to extend our definition of what family and community and mothering mean, and we will all find ourselves a lot better off. I now counsel my children about this very issue, as no one took a position of honesty while we were seeking genetic counseling. I entered both of those marriages trying to see what my wife could do for me. He asked me to have an abortion 2 days ago. It has damaged our relationships. My 13-year-old daughter, who was diagnosed with a touch of bipolar and major depressive disorder, is medicated for her illness. let this illness control me anymore, if I can –Odenton, MD, I am not willing to take the risk of having another manic episode, possibly brought on by the intensity of childbirth. They should learn what it means that their father is bipolar. Why would I want to inflict this torture on another human being? November 11, 2020. I have been married 9 years and have 3 boys with my husband and let me say it's been a tough road. He blames me and refuses to be properly diagnosed. –Gilbert, AZ, Yes, the genetic predisposition, along with the fact that I am bipolar, will cause me to not have children. I asked my husband the other day what we would do if I accidentally became pregnant. We have two successful sons: a music minister and a radiologist. Of course yes. My parents suffered in silence; I am breaking the silence and giving them a better life. 0. My husband has exhibited signs of being bipolar for years we have been married nearly 2 but together for 10. If things worsen or symptoms don’t subside, I will have ECT. All rights reserved. If you have BD and plan to have a baby, you and your doctor will consider your overall well-being along with: Potential risks to your baby are also considered. I love my husband dearly but I wouldn't want my child going crazy the way he sometimes done...I just found out that I'm pregnant. When you have young children, you generally don't have to worry about them developing bipolar themselves until they are at least twelve years old. –Hilliard, OH, I have decided not to have children. –Tillonsburg, ON, I know personally what mental illness is and what its subsequent addictions and lifestyles can do to children, having grown up in a family torn apart by it. For selfish reasons? Mental illness runs in my family. With regard to the former, if he/she was asymptomatic prior to exposure to the bad environment, it is possible that the two could be correlated. Updated: 27 th April, 2017. There are also certain behaviors that come with having a spouse with bipolar that you have to learn to deal with sometimes. I will still consider having children despite the genetic predisposition because I know what to look out for. 0 0. When I sometimes feel sad about not having my own, I look at them and feel so much gratitude. I have thought about it—but not in terms of deciding not to have children; rather, discussing with my husband different issues we need to be aware of with our child. A ketogenic diet may help control symptoms of bipolar disorder, but it’s not a guarantee. I also wished to keep bp out of the gene pool. Having a baby is a major event in the life of any woman. Leave A Reply. Published: 24 th August, 2015. Bipolar is manageable, and I can’t imagine my life without my children. 2 Women with BPD may have as much as a 1 in 5 risk for having a postpartum … We have a really good relationship, the problem is kids. Women are not defined by their biology or giving birth, but rather by what they choose to give of themselves as a whole. I know what I put my own family through, especially my mother, and frankly I don’t think I could put up with what she did if faced with the same issues from one of my own children down the road. The difference between my previous two marriages and this one has everything to do with how the relationship began. The personality traits of entrepreneurs and those with bipolar frequently overlap; experts say embracing both strengths and vulnerabilities is key to success. –LaVerne, CA, I wasn’t diagnosed with bp until after I had my two children. He says he can't handle the pressure that i am putting him under. All my support and warmth to you, friends. I am terrified to have a child. I strongly believe that people with bipolar or schizophrenia should not reproduce. There’s only so many burritos you can eat, and comic books are about $3 each. I wish someone had told me this earlier—maybe I wouldn’t have suffered as much! Bipolar husband, an open letter about your symptoms of bipolar disorder. A child of one parent with bipolar disorder and one without has a 15% to 30% chance of having BP. –England, AR, When I found myself pregnant I contemplated having an abortion. My husband of four years and I recently decided not to have more children. Unfortunately, they do show anxiety, but I am in a far better position to help them deal with this than my parents were. –Arlington, VA, My husband and I found peace in knowing that no matter what, we would love and care for a child. –Horseshoe Valley, ON, I knew labor and delivery could be triggering events, and for me, they were. Today, I know I’m more than my condition. –Ottawa, ON, I have one daughter who is 5 years old—two years older than my bipolar diagnosis. I have been sick for five years and am only now starting to feel better. There is almost always two different phases with bipolar disorder — lows called depression and highs called mania. Bipolar disorder (BPD) is ... % to 30% of women with BPD who are pregnant. I’m not going to lie. He didn’t share how depressed he was or his suicidal thoughts. I look back at her childhood with a lot of regrets at how horrible I was. Also, I would like to sign up for bphope's FREE e-Newsletters. For the past month I have been dealing with symptoms of postpartum psychosis and have had many med changes to try to stabilize my mood. I am not worried about passing on this illness. We already had two children and a third on the way before we found out the first two had mood disorders (one bipolar, the other undetermined). –Brandon, FL, I am a 38-year-old married woman living with bipolar II disorder. It was very scary. So I made some appointments with a counselor to talk about everything. I love the thought of adopting a child someday, but I also realize that it will take me many years to grieve my profound yet intangible loss; I will be missing out on something truly beautiful. My grandmother had bipolar disorder and experienced a long hospital stay postpartum, leaving her newborn with family members for more than six months. Scientists are still investigating the genetic relationship to bipolar disorder. Symptoms include severe mania or depression that starts within two to three days after delivery. Download this leaflet as a PDF. I was diagnosed at 23 and went through four years of turmoil before finally getting my life on track again. Bipolar disorder (BD), previously called manic depressive disorder, is one of the most difficult mental health conditions to treat. And now baby number 4 . Breastfeeding can also disrupt sleep, which is essential in preventing bipolar relapse. –DeSoto, IL, My husband and I have been married for 44 years. All moms must be unbalanced to one extent or another. Your kids (we have four) will cure you of selfishness and give you and others a reason to live. I completely destroyed my marriage after my wife became pregnant—the pregnancy added so many problems to my bipolar. –Springfield, VA, My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant while dealing with the complex issues of bipolar disorder. Starts off with insomnia and trouble getting motivated, through to exhaustion then hyper mania for a few months then onto the downward spiral to depression. I did suffer postpartum depression during the first month, but was able to get stable with med changes. My grandmother had bipolar disorder and experienced a long hospital stay postpartum, leaving her newborn with family members for more than six months. Sleep is a must, as well as having help in taking care of the baby. I worry about being able to provide good care to my baby once he is born. –Mountlake Terrace, WA, Why would a bp not have kids? Last medically reviewed on October 19, 2017. I am sorry if it seemed that way. While some antidepressants don’t seem to pose these risks, antipsychotics can be dangerous. This is true whether you have BD or not. When people have bipolar disorder, they think, feel and act differently from how they do when they’re well. But we did salvage it after meds and two and a half years of separation. Having her made me realize that I have to live my life the best way I can and there is no room for impulsive decisions or inappropriate friends. They are adults and won’t hear of getting help for their problems. Optimal control of bipolar symptoms and reducing potential risk to the baby are the keys to a healthy bipolar pregnancy. –Richardson, TX, I was diagnosed with bipolar at age 21. If you have children, then you shouldn’t hide your husband’s bipolar disorder from your children. I definitely wouldn’t want to put my children through the same things I went through. To spare the kids the fun and misery of bp? Of course treatment outcomes are much faster now. I am worried to have kids and can’t handle the kids and go off meds and worst give the kids the mental illness I am suffering. It’s not clear how bipolar disorder itself can affect fetal development. If you have BD and plan to have a baby, you and your doctor will consider your overall well-being along with: how well your bipolar disorder is managed what medications you’re currently taking Please do not use your full name, as it will be displayed. I do empathize with painful memories and fear of passing struggles on to my child, and the guilt and difficulty that would bring….which is why I’m here. –DeSoto, TX, Code: bphopekids I openly have him discuss his feelings and help guide him , He is an amazing dad and husband with the proper sleep and meds . –Ottawa, ON, Our two bipolar LD-ADHD girls are doing well in college. My daughter is now nearly 2 years old, and having a child is the best thing I ever did. The most important action a bipolar patient who is contemplating pregnancy or who becomes pregnant can take is to partner with a physician team with expertise in bipolar pregnant physiology. Spending hours on a video game. I have a son from a previous marriage and we've just recently found out I'm expecting (planned). I am so adamant about the issue that I have had two abortions, and still to this day I know I made the best decision. Regarding a number of comments on this topic, there is a lot of shame (and shaming) permeating throughout. Aside from concerns during pregnancy, there’s some risks for a mother and her baby’s well-being immediately after labor. If both parents have bipolar disorder, there's a 50% to 75% chance that a child of theirs will, too. –Ashland, OR, Since my husband and I already had two children before I was diagnosed with bipolar I, we didn’t have the opportunity to consider the “what if’s.” I may have passed on bipolar disorder, but my children will know that it’s still possible to live a positive, productive, purpose-filled life. i think about it all of the time. Also, kids are a lot of work and I don’t think I could handle it. If your parent has an illness, it can have a lasting impact on the immediate family. My husband worries about this, too. –Hollis, NY, I was diagnosed with bipolar a year and a half ago. © 2005-2021 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. I worry about being able to provide good care to my baby once he is born. If you get help - you will benefit, but also your husband will benefit from this. After extensive research on bipolar pregnancies and outcomes, my partner and I have chosen to adopt a child from Africa or China. Wonderful and brilliant grandchildren … I will always say environment plays a big impact on the life of a bipolar. You may be more likely to develop bipolar disorder if you have a family member with the condition. I am mourning my husband, Jeff. –Chicago, IL, I have a bipolar disorder. That said, they have not graduated yet, and getting to where we are has been costly. Truth is, most people can say they’ve been there, done that. My oldest is just 7. I Went Off My Depression Meds to Get Pregnant, and This Is What Happened, Please Stop Believing These 8 Harmful Bipolar Disorder Myths, 10 Alternative Treatments for Bipolar Disorder, How I Keep My Confidence While Having an Invisible Illness, Why We Need to Talk About Depression During Pregnancy. The short answer to “Has it had an impact in your decision?”: No. –North Port, FL, Predisposition to bipolar, depression, OCD, anxiety, and SAD has affected my choice in not having children. I don’t want my child to go through what I went through. Allow God to do the rest. I have bipolar. Had I known, I may not have chosen to conceive, despite how important mothering children was to me. I could never intentionally subject anyone to bipolar and its lifestyle before medication and treatment. First, there’s a concern about certain medications being transmitted from the mother to her baby via breast milk. After all, if committing to decades of, in the words of author Elizabeth... Download bp's latest issue instantly to your tablet or smartphone. –Oakland, CA, I definitely made a decision in my late 20s not to have children because of my bipolar disorder. –Bend, OR, There are so many questions to ask yourself: Will the child have bp? If you already have one child with BP, there is a 15% to 25% chance that another of your children will also have it. Good Luck! And that includes a child that could possibly inherent the predisposition toward being bipolar and/or the problems that arise from my personally having the disease and it’s unfair affects on the child. –Columbus, OH, My mother has bp, and my childhood was miserable. My husband had an affair off/on for 3 years and she got pregnant. I know abortion is a sensitive issue, and I don’t think it should be taken lightly. We have been very blessed with few complications and a healthy baby and would like to let others know it is possible with the right medical team. People with the illness switch back and forth from mania or hypomania (an emotional state of being energetic and gleeful or sometimes aggressive or delusional) to having episodes of depression. The researchers say that doctors need to educate the entire family on the coping skills they will need to live with this condition. People with BD have significant mood changes that include manic (high) and depressive (low) episodes. Pregnant people who eat well and exercise regularly along with regular prenatal care are less likely to have complications during pregnancy. This is why I gave my baby to the adoptive parents of my choice when he was 4 days old. –Davis, CA, I do not know if I will have children. My concern is i want to have a baby and i dont want yo be a risk for it.What should i do? My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant while dealing with the complex issues of bipolar disorder. –Alameda, CA, I cannot imagine the difficulties a woman with bipolar would face getting off the meds to have a child—what that would do not only to her, but to the marriage. That hurts. –Satellite Beach, FL, I have always wanted to be a mother, but I have bp II, and also epilepsy. I can’t imagine trading those good times for anything in the world … yet, I hesitate. Some days, you might feel on top of the world. I am 31 and I am in a relationship with a guy that told me from the first day he doesn’t want to have kids. My husband and I really want to have children, but I have a family history of mental illness, and I have bipolar disorder. My husband is bipolar his mother has depression and is bipolar. Stigma stings, but when it happens in your own backyard—our own families and friends not accepting us—it is especially hard to take. –Philadelphia, PA, I have two daughters, ages 7 and 3. All rights reserved. Being the spouse of a bipolar husband means a marriage with bipolar disorder. Whether or not I would choose to have another child, I truly don’t know. The precise effects are unclear, however. –Kingston, NY, After introducing my new boyfriend to my grandmother, I knew what to expect: “You two could adopt a child someday. being bipolar and having baby. You have to have lots of money to have these kids and get them through life or they end up dropping out of school, going on food stamps and Medicaid, or ending up in jail. Your email address will not be published. –Jackson, MS, I will not consider having children if they are biologically mine. Do I want grandkids? Did I wish I didn’t have these wonderful kids? We are thankful for and love our children. I get angry with myself and with the disease that has taken the one thing in life that I have wanted most—to be called “Mother,” but I know it’s the right decision for me and the child. Printed as “SOUNDOFF: When conception is the question,” Spring 2007. Addendum to my earlier comment: I am in no way intending to minimize others’ experiences. I wish I had gotten diagnosed sooner and gotten help. Continuing BD treatment during pregnancy may decrease the risk for related relapse, however. Understanding bipolar disorder. –Toronto, ON, I decided to never be pregnant because of the risks of medications harming a fetus; however, I never thought of the risks of having a child with bipolar disorder. This is especially true if your parent has difficulty managing their illness. –North Potomac, MD, I wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar at the time I had my children, but I don’t regret having them. Copyright© 2020 bpHope. I realize now that I needed as much sleep as my baby did. Postpartum psychosis is a rare, but serious condition that requires emergency treatment. But I am 33 years old and I have schizoaffective disorder. So, as a result, I never allowed myself to entertain the idea of being a mother, whether biological or by adoption. I’m not going to I’m lucky that my husband has never gone on a bipolar spending spree, such as is mentioned in pretty much every book or website about bipolar disorder. You’re made in His image, but you’re not God. While some develop it younger, this is pretty rare. Keeping a Christian attitude certainly is a boost as well. –Austin, TX, Family history impacted my decision to remain childless. There is a lot of beauty, talent, and intelligence in my family’s genes, too, but I do not regret not bringing a child into my world or experience. Their presence has forced me to go way beyond what I thought I was capable of in terms of my recovery. That will make it easier for you to develop a plan to help keep you and your baby safe. –Leonardtown, MD, Our daughter is 3 months old. Building and maintaining your marriage when your spouse has bipolar can be challenging. Religiously checking Facebook. This is how I got to where…. This could entail: There are numerous health considerations that are involved with any pregnancy. If you have BD and plan to have a baby, try to plan your pregnancy ahead of time with some help from your doctor. A full year with no medication at all: a recipe for disaster for anyone diagnosed as having bipolar disorder two years prior. –Machesney Park, IL, For four years I have been living with bp I. Perinatal depression is depression during pregnancy, and it's a very real and serious illness many women experience — often alone. Raising mentally ill children ages 2 to 9 is one of the most heartbreaking things a mother or father could do. There are a lot of children already in this world, and adoption or mentoring are two good choices. My key to dealing with bipolar illness and motherhood is my very supportive husband, good medical team, and my faith in God. At age 32, with no prospects for marriage and several other medical considerations, I made a well-informed choice. I would like to have children someday, but my main concern are my medications, most of which would be harmful during pregnancy or would pass through breast milk. BD symptoms can become more prominent during pregnancy. Even so, I’m glad I do have children. I am grateful to have a wonderful son who needs our undivided attention. Bipolar disorder has not and should not be allowed to quench it. Yes, the road has been rocky, but we made it to the top of the hill and now are enjoying each other’s company. The disorder makes it hard to have a normal life, what with the daily ups and downs that bipolar mood swings bring with them. I know she’ll have a better life than I’ve had; she is a strong child and knows what she wants in life. My own health is the most important thing; if I don’t have that, then how can I take care of another human being? Decision? ”: no her illness 38-year-old married woman living with a. A rare, but my husband didn ’ t want to have a lasting impact on the immediate family would. Undivided attention a marriage with bipolar disorder to minimize others ’ experiences have as! For it.What should I do not want my child to go through what I our. Women may find that pregnancy can alter their mood not accepting us—it especially. May help with bipolar disorder impact your decision? ”: no life of woman! However, it can have a child make it easier for you to develop bipolar disorder,... And a half years of separation comic books are about $ 3 each can impact fetal development about symptoms! Noted that the data they worked with was low quality, and also epilepsy can be.. 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